Strength from Within

     Comfort comes as a guest, lingers to become a host and stays to enslave us. ~Lee S. Bickmore

     Growing up overweight puts one immediately at the back of the pack, the bottom of the list...the last one chosen.   It's easy to pick on the"fat" kid. Their shortcomings are obvious, their flaws are out there for all to judge. Easy to see. Easy to mock. I had my share of "bad days" growing up.  Looking back I realize now, that those days shaped the person I have become today. I could have allowed the bullies to to enslave me...to force me to hide away ...to lurk in the background and view life from a distance. It would have been easy to say...I can't do it, I'll never make it, it's too hard for me and watch life pass me by...but that's just not a part of my character. 

Instead I forced myself to engage...to participate...to excel. In school I clawed my way to the top, pushed my way into every "In crowd" my high school had to offer. It wasn't easy, but it was possible and that was my driving force. I joined the Girls fast-pitch softball team and became a team captain and "starting pitcher"...leading our team to undefeated regional championships 4 years in a row. I joined the

yearbook and became the first "sophomore" to ever become the Editor of the yearbook. I started a High School newspaper and remained it's editor throughout high school. I joined student government and quickly became a class officer. I was a member of my high school's FIRST marching band and played several instruments...always holding..."First Chair" in each section. My best friends were the cheerleaders and I became statistician for the boys basketball team. I even joined the girls basketball team. This was how I climbed out of the shadows and into the spotlight. Instead of becoming a "wall-flower", I forced people to take notice. To look past the exterior and focus on all of the wonderful things I had to offer from within. As they got to know who I was, the teasing and taunting ended. These cheerleaders, athletes and even the so called "band-geeks" became my friends...my protectors...my safety net.

So in saying all of this, my advice to you is this; If you feel like an "outsider" find a way to push yourself into the middle. Believe in yourself, and go for what you want. it won't be easy. Unlike the Pretty girl who gets first crack at everything just because she's so attractive, you may not get the first chance at what you want...but if you keep at it...you WILL get the chance...Don't waste it. For all of us "fat" kids out here....KNOCK THEIR SOCKS OFF.

Snow Day

Let the snow fall from the sky like tropical rain...I will be safe and warm in my cozy little home, in my favorite easy chair, wrapped in a thick red blanket. Today, I will read and write and drink hot coffee, enjoying what will most likely be the final snowstorm of the season. My puppies will surround me, thankful for the unexpected day they will spend sleeping on my lap. I could complain but I won't. I could be angry that my plans for today were spoiled, but I'm not. Instead, I will breath and pull open all of my drapes and curtains and watch the snowflakes pile up and cover all that is ugly. A power much greater than I can imagine, has decided that I need a day to myself. A day to slow down, relax and reflect on all things good. And that is what I will do. I will lose myself in words and music. What was meant for today....can wait until tomorrow.

Time....

     I found myself experiencing a bit of melancholy this evening.  Too much time spent recalling misplaced friends and days gone by, left me feeling rather hollow and empty. When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world to achieve your dreams and reach your goals.  You squander time as though it were boundless…limitless…endless.  Projects initiated so enthusiastically lie abandoned midway through. You give up all too easily, on lovers and friendships when things become awkward or difficult. Of course, you call it a “break”.  Endings are just too harsh for the young. A break seems much less messy and unpleasant. The truth is it’s just a way of letting go without admitting that you are giving up. You hold that little piece of “I’ll get back to it” in the back of your mind…or “we just need a little space.” Don’t believe it. More often than not, it’s simply a crutch.  You can’t go back because the rest of the world has already moved forward. Circumstances change. People change.  It seems to make the break less painful when you leave yourself or others with that tiny speck of promise.   Hope, after all, is the key to life. Sometimes hope is the bridge you use to cross over to that next person, that next job…or that next city. It gives you a false sense of security. Believing that you can turn back actually pushes one forward.  It is much easier to walk across a tight wire when there is a net stretched out beneath you or jump through the clouds with a parachute on your back.  

     When I was young, I was fearless.  Time was like money in the bank.  With my time I bought experience. I bought Knowledge. I learned how to meld the two into power.  That power, gave me the strength to find myself and in turn, live my truth.  For that opportunity, I am grateful.  There will be poignant days like today, in which nostalgia will move me to the verge of tears.  I do not cry for what I have left behind in my life, but instead for all that I shall never achieve.  While time may be infinite for the universe as a whole, we are given but an hourglass filled with a measured amount of sand.  Even as I write this in my journal my sand is sliding through the timepiece. There is no way to slow it down. There is no way to stop it.  Perhaps, I would be wise to take my shoes off and just slide my toes into the sand and simply enjoy the moment.  Maybe I should….but I just don’t have the time.

Top Honors

      So, Camden, New Jersey has taken our only first place title. Detroit has always rated low in virtually every survey that I have ever observed. We did, however, hold top honors on one very ominous list.  We were unlucky enough to enjoy the abysmal distinction of The Most Dangerous City in the United States last year.  True, it is an appalling commendation to have earned and exhibited, but it was sadly, a first place position, which is something Detroit has not enjoyed since the Pistons netted NBA first place honors in back in 2004.

      Once, a city of champions and the industrial hub of the United States, Detroit has crumbled and fallen down around us.  The scorched and blackened buildings which cower in the shadows of the magnificent Renaissance Center are but a sad reminder of what “used to be”.  The empty streets are reminiscent of the old ghost towns that dotted the landscape of the so called, Wild, Wild West. If it weren’t for the rich suburbanites who tailgate their way into town for the occasional hockey or baseball game, the streets would remain empty but for the insignificant homeless veteran, pushing a rusted shopping cart down the broken, shattered sidewalks.  The only other real nightlife can be found in the oasis of casinos that together form a fortress of sorts, keeping the vermin out and the professed privileged in. The gamblers who lose substantial amounts of money to the one armed bandits, have no idea just how close they are to trading in their BMW’s for a shopping cart of their own…..ahhhh so goes the circle of life, liberty and the pursuit of poverty.