Time....

     I found myself experiencing a bit of melancholy this evening.  Too much time spent recalling misplaced friends and days gone by, left me feeling rather hollow and empty. When you are young, you think you have all the time in the world to achieve your dreams and reach your goals.  You squander time as though it were boundless…limitless…endless.  Projects initiated so enthusiastically lie abandoned midway through. You give up all too easily, on lovers and friendships when things become awkward or difficult. Of course, you call it a “break”.  Endings are just too harsh for the young. A break seems much less messy and unpleasant. The truth is it’s just a way of letting go without admitting that you are giving up. You hold that little piece of “I’ll get back to it” in the back of your mind…or “we just need a little space.” Don’t believe it. More often than not, it’s simply a crutch.  You can’t go back because the rest of the world has already moved forward. Circumstances change. People change.  It seems to make the break less painful when you leave yourself or others with that tiny speck of promise.   Hope, after all, is the key to life. Sometimes hope is the bridge you use to cross over to that next person, that next job…or that next city. It gives you a false sense of security. Believing that you can turn back actually pushes one forward.  It is much easier to walk across a tight wire when there is a net stretched out beneath you or jump through the clouds with a parachute on your back.  

     When I was young, I was fearless.  Time was like money in the bank.  With my time I bought experience. I bought Knowledge. I learned how to meld the two into power.  That power, gave me the strength to find myself and in turn, live my truth.  For that opportunity, I am grateful.  There will be poignant days like today, in which nostalgia will move me to the verge of tears.  I do not cry for what I have left behind in my life, but instead for all that I shall never achieve.  While time may be infinite for the universe as a whole, we are given but an hourglass filled with a measured amount of sand.  Even as I write this in my journal my sand is sliding through the timepiece. There is no way to slow it down. There is no way to stop it.  Perhaps, I would be wise to take my shoes off and just slide my toes into the sand and simply enjoy the moment.  Maybe I should….but I just don’t have the time.